Interracial Dating Article by a college student
Dec 2, 2003
Interracial dating
Recently, my sister forwarded me an e-mail titled "Why I sold out." It was an e-mail written by a black professional man ranting about his decision to never date black women again. This mystery man proceeded to tell of his trials dealing with black women and about how at first he refused to date women outside of his race. He tells how he eventually got sick of the "attitude," "materialism," "lack of sexual exploration," "disrespect" and "ghetto behavior." But most of all he got sick of the fact that they didn't seem to appreciate his gentlemanly qualities, so he got tired of wasting them on black women.
This debate has gone back and forth for awhile within the black community, particularly among black females. It seems that as it applies to black women there is a growing exodus of the black male, or rather, the professional black male.
I've always believed that finding someone you click with is hard enough, so aside from societal pressures to date within a certain group and be with whoever makes you happy. Although, approaching this issue I have a unique perspective. I have three older sisters. One of them has been happily married to a white man for almost 12 years, with two beautiful children to show for it. I'm completely aware of the hardships a serious interracial couple can encounter, and taking that into consideration, I am also completely aware no matter what society thinks, it can work.
I also have another sister who particularly disheartened by the lack of quality professional black men and the fact that many of them date outside the race. I can understand why she is angry. Through slavery, civil war, reconstruction, a world war or two, the civil rights movement and discrimination, black women have stood by black men. Because of this, there is a sense of betrayal in this exodus, and it shows.
As for the guys I talk to - that's a different story. Many guys just don't care as much. They freely date whoever they are interested in.
Then there are those like the mystery man in the e-mail who refuse to date black women for various aforementioned reasons. This kind of thinking is completely unfortunate. Just because someone is black doesn't mean she lacks certain desirable qualities, just as if a person is white doesn't necessarily mean she possess them. Generalizing a whole group of people simply because a few of them fit into a narrowly envisioned mold is sad, and although it is extremely easy to fall into, the fact that people who are in the same boat look down at each other is even more unfortunate.
The issue as a whole plays into more than simply skin color; it deals with class. For many black women the pickings are slim. Black women are receiving bachelors, masters and Ph.D.s at rates steadily surpassing those received by black males. They have the mindset that says, "I'm a working professional; my significant other should be as well!" In contrast, a good amount of black men argue many black women are "too ghetto." Of course all these preferences are based on class. If a black man is successful and hard working but lacks a college education, does that imply that he is less desirable than a man who does? Also, even if someone is "ghetto," does this mean she is worth less as a person compared to those who aren't?
Of course, the percentage of blacks that eventually end up marrying outside of the race is relatively small compared to Asian-Americans and American Indians. (Although the view is a bit skewed because blacks make up a greater percentage of the American population overall).
There seems to be an increasingly popular acceptance of interracial relationships. It can be seen in ads that occasionally sport an interracial couple persuading you to buy a new pair of shoes or hip new clothes. The only question is as this common acceptance grows: How will this affect black females who, as they rise professionally, see a lack of romantic options?
Andrew Napier is a sophomore government and politics major. He can be reached at anapier@wam.umd.edu.
http://www.inform.umd.edu/News/Diamondback/archives/2003/12/02/commentary5.html
Interracial dating
Recently, my sister forwarded me an e-mail titled "Why I sold out." It was an e-mail written by a black professional man ranting about his decision to never date black women again. This mystery man proceeded to tell of his trials dealing with black women and about how at first he refused to date women outside of his race. He tells how he eventually got sick of the "attitude," "materialism," "lack of sexual exploration," "disrespect" and "ghetto behavior." But most of all he got sick of the fact that they didn't seem to appreciate his gentlemanly qualities, so he got tired of wasting them on black women.
This debate has gone back and forth for awhile within the black community, particularly among black females. It seems that as it applies to black women there is a growing exodus of the black male, or rather, the professional black male.
I've always believed that finding someone you click with is hard enough, so aside from societal pressures to date within a certain group and be with whoever makes you happy. Although, approaching this issue I have a unique perspective. I have three older sisters. One of them has been happily married to a white man for almost 12 years, with two beautiful children to show for it. I'm completely aware of the hardships a serious interracial couple can encounter, and taking that into consideration, I am also completely aware no matter what society thinks, it can work.
I also have another sister who particularly disheartened by the lack of quality professional black men and the fact that many of them date outside the race. I can understand why she is angry. Through slavery, civil war, reconstruction, a world war or two, the civil rights movement and discrimination, black women have stood by black men. Because of this, there is a sense of betrayal in this exodus, and it shows.
As for the guys I talk to - that's a different story. Many guys just don't care as much. They freely date whoever they are interested in.
Then there are those like the mystery man in the e-mail who refuse to date black women for various aforementioned reasons. This kind of thinking is completely unfortunate. Just because someone is black doesn't mean she lacks certain desirable qualities, just as if a person is white doesn't necessarily mean she possess them. Generalizing a whole group of people simply because a few of them fit into a narrowly envisioned mold is sad, and although it is extremely easy to fall into, the fact that people who are in the same boat look down at each other is even more unfortunate.
The issue as a whole plays into more than simply skin color; it deals with class. For many black women the pickings are slim. Black women are receiving bachelors, masters and Ph.D.s at rates steadily surpassing those received by black males. They have the mindset that says, "I'm a working professional; my significant other should be as well!" In contrast, a good amount of black men argue many black women are "too ghetto." Of course all these preferences are based on class. If a black man is successful and hard working but lacks a college education, does that imply that he is less desirable than a man who does? Also, even if someone is "ghetto," does this mean she is worth less as a person compared to those who aren't?
Of course, the percentage of blacks that eventually end up marrying outside of the race is relatively small compared to Asian-Americans and American Indians. (Although the view is a bit skewed because blacks make up a greater percentage of the American population overall).
There seems to be an increasingly popular acceptance of interracial relationships. It can be seen in ads that occasionally sport an interracial couple persuading you to buy a new pair of shoes or hip new clothes. The only question is as this common acceptance grows: How will this affect black females who, as they rise professionally, see a lack of romantic options?
Andrew Napier is a sophomore government and politics major. He can be reached at anapier@wam.umd.edu.
http://www.inform.umd.edu/News/Diamondback/archives/2003/12/02/commentary5.html
