Divided Sisters: Bridging The Gap Between Black Women and White Women.
Excerpt from the Book: Wilson, M. & Russell, K. (1996) Divided Sisters: Bridging The Gap Between Black Women and White Women. NY: Anchor/Doubleday, 112-132.
(Chapter Four ...)
(Other chapters http://condor.depaul.edu/~mwilson/divided/)
Interracial Dating and Marriage
Interracial sexual relationships are quite possibly the biggest source of tension among women of the two races. Were there no history of racism in America, such relationships would barely arouse curiosity. Were there no unequal treatment of women in society, men and women would cross the color line with equal freedom and enthusiasm. Such is not the case.
For nearly three hundred years, Blacks and Whites in this country were legally prohibited from marrying each other. The policy was initiated by the White political establishment, concerned lest their blood be mixed with that of people seen as inferior. Remarkably, laws prohibiting interracial marriage were not banned until 1967, when the U.S. Supreme Court, in Loving v. Virginia, finally struck down as unconstitutional all antimiscegenation statutes. By that time, a host of other barriers to integration were beginning to fall, making it more likely that Whites and Blacks would meet and fall in love at school and in the workplace. In fact, the sweeping sociological changes set in motion by the Civil Rights Movement are reflected in the following rates of interracial marriage. In 1970, only 1.5 of every thousand marriages was racially mixed; by 1990, the figure had almost tripled, to four out of every thousand, with the majority being White-Black.
Of course, many interracial sexual relationships do not result in marriage. The sixties also witnessed a sexual revolution, and sex outside marriage became more common. Men and women, Whites and Blacks, were ready and willing to experiment sexually. During the ensuing decades, several patterns in interracial sexual relations began to emerge. Middle-class Blacks, who often grow up in predominantly White neighborhoods, attend predominantly White colleges and universities, and work in integrated environments, are
more likely to date interracially than are Blacks from lower-class backgrounds. In addition, many more Black men and White women date than Black women and White men. According to African American scholar Robert Staples, during the "free love" era of the late sixties and early seventies, as many as go percent of the Black males on some college campuses had at least one interracial dating experience. A high percentage of White women, too, said that they had dated a Black man.
For a variety of reasons, Black women seem to be far less interested in crossing the color line. Only about 30 percent report having dated a man of another racial background. This difference is reflected, as well, in statistics on interracial marriage. As of the early 1990s,
71 percent, or 156,000 of all Black-White interracial marriages, involved African American men marrying White women, and only 29 percent, or 75,000, involved African American women marrying White men.
In recent years, Black-White dating and mating has been the subject of numerous articles and books, but none has specifically focused on how the issues affect the relationships of White and Black women. Because of the disproportionate number of Black men marrying and dating White women, one effect has been to drive Black and White women apart. Not surprisingly, African American women have become angry at White women for "stealing" Black men, already in short supply.
Statistics show that in the general population there are about seven Black men to every ten Black women. Among Whites, there are ten men to every nine women. While certainly not every woman, Black or White, is looking for a man, the more Black men who turn to White women, the fewer are aval 'lable for interested Black women. These differences are reflected in recent Census Bureau findings indicating that by the age of thirty, three fourths of all White women are married, but by the same age, fewer than half that number of Black women are. And by the age of forty, the statistics are more grim. As few as one in ten White women has never been married, but nearly one in four Black women who reaches the age of forty has never been married. The situation is even worse for college-educated, successful African American women, perhaps because there are fewer suitable Black men for them to marry. But what infuriates Black women the most is that the more successful an African American man is, the more likely he is to marry a woman who is light-skinned, either Black or White. This pattern, as first identified by anthropologist Melville Herskovits during the sixties, and documented again in the eighties by sociologists Elizabeth Mullins and Paul Sites. These researchers found that eminent Black men were far more likely to have light-skinned partners than were eminent Black women. For the average African American woman, though, the pattern of successful African American men marrying light and especially White is confirmed by simple observation. Everywhere they look, they see Black male celebrities, from composer and record producer Quincy Jones, to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, playwright August Wilson, and actors Sidney Poitier and James Earl Jones, married to White women. Even more disturbing is the perceived trend of celebrity Black men, most notably 0. J. Simpson, divorcing a first wife who is Black and replacing her with one who is White once fame and wealth are achieved. Instead of being angry at Black men for doing this, it is more expedient for African American women to blame White women. So deep, in fact, is the rage at White women for marrying successful African American men that, on hearing that 0. J. Simpson had battered and possibly brutally murdered his beautiful White wife, Nicole, more than a few African American women were heard to mutter, under their breath, that it served her right, and him, too, for messing around with her.
Anger over this issue goes back at least as far as the Civil Rights Movement, when White women and Black men, working together to register Blacks to vote, first realized and acted upon their sexual attraction to each other. The distrust continues. Among White and Black women working together for common political causes, fears about interracial dating can destroy sisterly relations. Carolyn Rodgers, an African American, captured the uneasy feelings in her 1976 poem "I Have Been Hungry," an excerpt of which appears as one of this chapter's epigraphs.
White women who date or marry Black men, on the other hand, are often taken aback and confused by the fury of Black women over this issue. Among those surprised by the rage of African American women is Gail Mathabane, co-author of Love In Black and White. Gail expected her marriage to a Black man to irritate White bigots, but she never dreamed that it would anger Black women. "I was made to feel that I had committed some sort of unspoken crime against the black community, particularly black " Gail Mathabane clearly was more baffled than upset by the reactions of African American women to her interracial marriage. But somc white women respond with hostility: "Yes, Black women are angry, and no, I'm not going to obsess over it. If they didn't give their Black men so much shit all the time, maybe their men wouldn't seek out White women."
Most White women, however, are simply disappointed and hurt by Black women s anger, as in the case of Lynn, an attractive, tall collegiate volleyball player with blond hair and green eyes. When Lynn started dating an African American star basketball player on campus, the Black female athletes began ignoring her. Commenting on the subject of interracial dating, Lynn said, "If I were them, I would be happy about it. I would think, there goes someone who is not prejudiced, someone who accepts us for who we are." White women who date or marry Black men often see themselves as positive race ambassadors, helping to bridge the racial divide. African American women, however, do not, in part because the reverse situation does not equally apply. White women who claim, "I don't have a problem with Black women dating White men, so why should they have a problem with White women dating Black men?" tend to infuriate African American women. They simply don't believe that the issues are interchangeable when there is no shortage of White men, and when the reasons for Black men choosing a White woman or even a light-skinned Black woman are so rooted in color prejudice.
Interracial dating can be something of a mine field; sympathetic White women aren't sure how to react. They do not know what such relationships may mean to Black women in personal or political terms. An attractive middle-aged White woman, who for several years has been dating an African American man named Stanley, reflected on the complexities of this issue:
I understand their anger; I really do. But I love Stanley. I didn't plan to fall in love with him. It just happened. And now that it has, am I supposed to give him up just because Black women I don't even know don't like it? That just doesn't make sense to me. And he's happy, too. What about him?
Deborah, a White woman of Jewish faith, after moving in with a Black man whom she met during the Civil Rights Movement, found herself paralyzed by her own feelings of guilt. She was unable, for example, to establish any positive relationship with her boyfriend's Black female friends. She even confessed to letting these women verbally abuse her, something that, as a feminist, she did not tolerate from anyone else. Finally, her boyfriend snapped at Deborah, "Why don't you stand up to them? They're losing respect for you, and frankly, so am 1. I thought you were stronger than that." But Deborah could think of nothing to say in her defense. Her relationship ultimately fell apart, in large part, Deborah now thinks, because o f her private sense of guilt and betrayal of her African American "sisters,"
Ironically, White women who claim they would never date a Black man can still insult Black women. Although most African American women don't want White women to date interracially, in theory they would at least like White women to find African American men attractive. A White woman named Deana discovered this when she mentioned to her African American girlfriend Temple, "I don't care if Whites or Blacks date or marry each other; I 'ust wouldn't do it. I would never date a Black guy." Temple shot back, "Are you telling me that you are superior to other people? Are you telling me that it is okay for others to do something, but that you are somehow above it?" The implication was that Deana's reaction was racist. Yet Black women feel free to express their distaste for dating White men. A White college student named Susan recalls asking a Black girlfriend whether she would ever consider marriage to a White man. The friend replied, "Never. White men smell funny and don't look good at all to me. They're all ugly."
On the whole, White women don't seem to feel threatened by the possibility that some White men find Black women more physically attractive, After all, it is White women in our society, not Black women, who set the culture's ideals of feminine beauty and attractiveness. When a White man pursues an African American woman, most White women just think his taste in women is quirky. But when a Black man pursues a White woman, it confirms a deep fear in some Black women that they are not pretty enough by society's standards.
A 1992 article in the New York Times by African American novelist Bebe Moore Campbell describes just how fast these raw feelings of insecurity can surface among even the most successful and competent of African American women. Campbell told of the time that she and several of her African American girlfriends were eating lunch at a "trendy Beverly Hills restaurant." Suddenly, a good-looking, well-known Black actor walked in, trailing behind him a White woman. As if on cue, Campbell and her friends threw down their forks and moaned and cursed under their breath. Only later did Campbell reflect on why they had reacted so strongly:
For many African-American women, the thought of black men, particularly those who are successful, dating or marrying white women is like being passed over at the prom by the boy we consider our steady date, causing us pain, rage and an overwhelming sense of betrayal and personal rejection . . . For sisters, the message that we don't measure up is the nightmare side of integration.
Social psychological research on the roles of physical attractiveness and race in interracial relationships confirms African American women Is worse fears. Interracial love doesn't just happen randomly; it is the result of careful, if unconscious, consideration of what the other person has to offer, an exchange in the interpersonal marketplace. This is exactly what White social psychologist Bernard Murstein and his colleagues hypothesized in a 1989 study -- that the Black members of courting interracial couples would be relatively more attractive than the White members. That is, in a Whitedominated, racially unequal culture, the lower status of being Black would have to be offset by relatively greater physical attractiveness. To test this hypothesis, the physical attractiveness of each member of twenty married interracial couples was judged by a panel of four, made up of two men and two women, two of whom were White and two of whom were Black. Their findings were mixed. The Black men were rated as significantly more attractive than their White female partners, but the Black women were rated neither higher nor lower in attractiveness than their White male partners.
Another study, by African American clinical graduate student Camille Baughn, yielded similar results in 1993. Male and female research participants were asked to view eight pictures of people of the opposite sex of varying race and physical attractiveness. The subjects were asked to indicate how attractive they thought each person was, and how willing they would be to date each one. African Americans and Whites of both sexes generally expressed higher dating preferences for members of their own race and for those of greater physical attractiveness. In general, men expressed higher interest in cross-race dating than women, and African Americans rated Whites as more physically attractive than Whites rated African Americans. However, Baughn also observed that African American men rated White women as more desirable to date than African American women rated White men. Baughn concluded that African American men and women embrace the notion that "Black is Beautiful" differently.
In a society where race has played such a pivotal role, White women are too often viewed as the ultimate prize for successful African American men. White women, even those who aren't seen as particularly attractive, can still lighten the line for African American men in a way that no African American woman can, no matter how beautiful she is.
Not all Black and White women condemn interracial dating, though, and some women of different races are brought together by it. A White school administrator named Nancy B., for example, one day asked an African American female colleague whether she would mind keeping a lookout for her boyfriend. "He's bringing by some greens for me." Her colleague, putting two and two together, guessed that anyone bringing by "greens" must be African American. She asked Nancy, "Is your boyfriend, by any chance, Black?" When Nancy replied, "Yes," the Black woman said, "Well, guess what? My boyfriend is White!" The two of them celebrated by doing a little jig together. They also began confiding in each other things that before they had kept to themselves. Anecdotal evidence like this suggests that, compared with Black women who claim they would never go out with a White man, African American women who date interracially tend to be more accepting of White women who similarly cross the color line. In addition to understanding the nature of cross-race attractions, such African American women are less personally threatened by the shortage of available Black men.
For both groups of women who date and marry interracially, female relatives of the male partner are another potential source of cross-race connection. Sonya, an African American who is currently engaged to a White Italian named Johnny, gets along very well with her fiance's mother. "Not long after meeting her, I told my future mother-in-law that I respected the non-gendered way in which she had raised her son. From then on, there was never any question that we would get along fine. After all, we were both feminists." White women, too, report stories of love and acceptance with the women in the family of their African American boyfriend or husband.
More often, though, White and Black women report difficult relations with the relatives of their cross-race ]over or spouse. An African American female college student named Jamillah, who was dating a White man, became aware that his mother and sisters were sabotaging the relationship by not relaying her phone messages to him. As a result, their plans were constantly being derailed. When her boyfriend broke up with her, Jamillah was convinced that his relatives were largely responsible. Many African American family members, especially mothers, are similarly inclined to respond poorly to a White girlfriend brought home by a son or brother. In fact, some
African American men are expressly told never to do this. The Black writer Darrell Dawsey explains why he would never date interracially:
Some of the distance I kept from White women resulted from my upbringing . . . my mother did not approve of interracial romance. Not unlike other African American women, she had suffered the pain of being marginalized by a racist, sexist mainstream that fraudently promotes white women as the benchmark of womanhood . . . The rule quietly in place around Ma's house was "If she can't use your comb, don't bring her home."
When attitudes like this prevail, a White woman, no matter how politically aware or racially sensitive she may be, will find it difficult, if not impossible, to establish good relations with the female relatives of her African American boyfriend or husband. Needless to say, such tensions only add to the stress of making interracial relationships work.
Despite such resistance from family members and friends, interracial dating and mating continue to grow in popularity. And as they increase, there is a growing backlash. In March 1994, a White principal named Hulond Humphries, of Wedowee, Alabama, allegedly told a mixed-race female student that she was a "mistake" (for having been born of a White-Black union), and also attempted to ban interracial dating at the upcoming school prom. Although Humphries was suspended for his racist actions, he was not immediately fired. The prom went on without the ban, but sometime later the school was destroyed by a fire of suspicious origins.
As members of both races struggle with the significance of interracial sexual relationships, women's relations with one another suffer. African American poet and essayist Audre Lorde believes, however, that the hostility so many Black women feel toward White women for dating Black men is misdirected and ultimately destructive:
It can never result in true progress on the issue because it does not question the vertical lines of power or authority, nor the sexist assumptions which dictate the terms of that competition. And the racism of white women might be better addressed where it is less complicated by their own sexual oppression. In this situation it is not the non-Black woman who calls the tune, but rather the Black man who turns away from himself in his sisters or who, through a fear borrowed from white men, reads her strength not as a resource but as a challenge.
(Chapter Four ...)
(Other chapters http://condor.depaul.edu/~mwilson/divided/)
Interracial Dating and Marriage
Interracial sexual relationships are quite possibly the biggest source of tension among women of the two races. Were there no history of racism in America, such relationships would barely arouse curiosity. Were there no unequal treatment of women in society, men and women would cross the color line with equal freedom and enthusiasm. Such is not the case.
For nearly three hundred years, Blacks and Whites in this country were legally prohibited from marrying each other. The policy was initiated by the White political establishment, concerned lest their blood be mixed with that of people seen as inferior. Remarkably, laws prohibiting interracial marriage were not banned until 1967, when the U.S. Supreme Court, in Loving v. Virginia, finally struck down as unconstitutional all antimiscegenation statutes. By that time, a host of other barriers to integration were beginning to fall, making it more likely that Whites and Blacks would meet and fall in love at school and in the workplace. In fact, the sweeping sociological changes set in motion by the Civil Rights Movement are reflected in the following rates of interracial marriage. In 1970, only 1.5 of every thousand marriages was racially mixed; by 1990, the figure had almost tripled, to four out of every thousand, with the majority being White-Black.
Of course, many interracial sexual relationships do not result in marriage. The sixties also witnessed a sexual revolution, and sex outside marriage became more common. Men and women, Whites and Blacks, were ready and willing to experiment sexually. During the ensuing decades, several patterns in interracial sexual relations began to emerge. Middle-class Blacks, who often grow up in predominantly White neighborhoods, attend predominantly White colleges and universities, and work in integrated environments, are
more likely to date interracially than are Blacks from lower-class backgrounds. In addition, many more Black men and White women date than Black women and White men. According to African American scholar Robert Staples, during the "free love" era of the late sixties and early seventies, as many as go percent of the Black males on some college campuses had at least one interracial dating experience. A high percentage of White women, too, said that they had dated a Black man.
For a variety of reasons, Black women seem to be far less interested in crossing the color line. Only about 30 percent report having dated a man of another racial background. This difference is reflected, as well, in statistics on interracial marriage. As of the early 1990s,
71 percent, or 156,000 of all Black-White interracial marriages, involved African American men marrying White women, and only 29 percent, or 75,000, involved African American women marrying White men.
In recent years, Black-White dating and mating has been the subject of numerous articles and books, but none has specifically focused on how the issues affect the relationships of White and Black women. Because of the disproportionate number of Black men marrying and dating White women, one effect has been to drive Black and White women apart. Not surprisingly, African American women have become angry at White women for "stealing" Black men, already in short supply.
Statistics show that in the general population there are about seven Black men to every ten Black women. Among Whites, there are ten men to every nine women. While certainly not every woman, Black or White, is looking for a man, the more Black men who turn to White women, the fewer are aval 'lable for interested Black women. These differences are reflected in recent Census Bureau findings indicating that by the age of thirty, three fourths of all White women are married, but by the same age, fewer than half that number of Black women are. And by the age of forty, the statistics are more grim. As few as one in ten White women has never been married, but nearly one in four Black women who reaches the age of forty has never been married. The situation is even worse for college-educated, successful African American women, perhaps because there are fewer suitable Black men for them to marry. But what infuriates Black women the most is that the more successful an African American man is, the more likely he is to marry a woman who is light-skinned, either Black or White. This pattern, as first identified by anthropologist Melville Herskovits during the sixties, and documented again in the eighties by sociologists Elizabeth Mullins and Paul Sites. These researchers found that eminent Black men were far more likely to have light-skinned partners than were eminent Black women. For the average African American woman, though, the pattern of successful African American men marrying light and especially White is confirmed by simple observation. Everywhere they look, they see Black male celebrities, from composer and record producer Quincy Jones, to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, playwright August Wilson, and actors Sidney Poitier and James Earl Jones, married to White women. Even more disturbing is the perceived trend of celebrity Black men, most notably 0. J. Simpson, divorcing a first wife who is Black and replacing her with one who is White once fame and wealth are achieved. Instead of being angry at Black men for doing this, it is more expedient for African American women to blame White women. So deep, in fact, is the rage at White women for marrying successful African American men that, on hearing that 0. J. Simpson had battered and possibly brutally murdered his beautiful White wife, Nicole, more than a few African American women were heard to mutter, under their breath, that it served her right, and him, too, for messing around with her.
Anger over this issue goes back at least as far as the Civil Rights Movement, when White women and Black men, working together to register Blacks to vote, first realized and acted upon their sexual attraction to each other. The distrust continues. Among White and Black women working together for common political causes, fears about interracial dating can destroy sisterly relations. Carolyn Rodgers, an African American, captured the uneasy feelings in her 1976 poem "I Have Been Hungry," an excerpt of which appears as one of this chapter's epigraphs.
White women who date or marry Black men, on the other hand, are often taken aback and confused by the fury of Black women over this issue. Among those surprised by the rage of African American women is Gail Mathabane, co-author of Love In Black and White. Gail expected her marriage to a Black man to irritate White bigots, but she never dreamed that it would anger Black women. "I was made to feel that I had committed some sort of unspoken crime against the black community, particularly black " Gail Mathabane clearly was more baffled than upset by the reactions of African American women to her interracial marriage. But somc white women respond with hostility: "Yes, Black women are angry, and no, I'm not going to obsess over it. If they didn't give their Black men so much shit all the time, maybe their men wouldn't seek out White women."
Most White women, however, are simply disappointed and hurt by Black women s anger, as in the case of Lynn, an attractive, tall collegiate volleyball player with blond hair and green eyes. When Lynn started dating an African American star basketball player on campus, the Black female athletes began ignoring her. Commenting on the subject of interracial dating, Lynn said, "If I were them, I would be happy about it. I would think, there goes someone who is not prejudiced, someone who accepts us for who we are." White women who date or marry Black men often see themselves as positive race ambassadors, helping to bridge the racial divide. African American women, however, do not, in part because the reverse situation does not equally apply. White women who claim, "I don't have a problem with Black women dating White men, so why should they have a problem with White women dating Black men?" tend to infuriate African American women. They simply don't believe that the issues are interchangeable when there is no shortage of White men, and when the reasons for Black men choosing a White woman or even a light-skinned Black woman are so rooted in color prejudice.
Interracial dating can be something of a mine field; sympathetic White women aren't sure how to react. They do not know what such relationships may mean to Black women in personal or political terms. An attractive middle-aged White woman, who for several years has been dating an African American man named Stanley, reflected on the complexities of this issue:
I understand their anger; I really do. But I love Stanley. I didn't plan to fall in love with him. It just happened. And now that it has, am I supposed to give him up just because Black women I don't even know don't like it? That just doesn't make sense to me. And he's happy, too. What about him?
Deborah, a White woman of Jewish faith, after moving in with a Black man whom she met during the Civil Rights Movement, found herself paralyzed by her own feelings of guilt. She was unable, for example, to establish any positive relationship with her boyfriend's Black female friends. She even confessed to letting these women verbally abuse her, something that, as a feminist, she did not tolerate from anyone else. Finally, her boyfriend snapped at Deborah, "Why don't you stand up to them? They're losing respect for you, and frankly, so am 1. I thought you were stronger than that." But Deborah could think of nothing to say in her defense. Her relationship ultimately fell apart, in large part, Deborah now thinks, because o f her private sense of guilt and betrayal of her African American "sisters,"
Ironically, White women who claim they would never date a Black man can still insult Black women. Although most African American women don't want White women to date interracially, in theory they would at least like White women to find African American men attractive. A White woman named Deana discovered this when she mentioned to her African American girlfriend Temple, "I don't care if Whites or Blacks date or marry each other; I 'ust wouldn't do it. I would never date a Black guy." Temple shot back, "Are you telling me that you are superior to other people? Are you telling me that it is okay for others to do something, but that you are somehow above it?" The implication was that Deana's reaction was racist. Yet Black women feel free to express their distaste for dating White men. A White college student named Susan recalls asking a Black girlfriend whether she would ever consider marriage to a White man. The friend replied, "Never. White men smell funny and don't look good at all to me. They're all ugly."
On the whole, White women don't seem to feel threatened by the possibility that some White men find Black women more physically attractive, After all, it is White women in our society, not Black women, who set the culture's ideals of feminine beauty and attractiveness. When a White man pursues an African American woman, most White women just think his taste in women is quirky. But when a Black man pursues a White woman, it confirms a deep fear in some Black women that they are not pretty enough by society's standards.
A 1992 article in the New York Times by African American novelist Bebe Moore Campbell describes just how fast these raw feelings of insecurity can surface among even the most successful and competent of African American women. Campbell told of the time that she and several of her African American girlfriends were eating lunch at a "trendy Beverly Hills restaurant." Suddenly, a good-looking, well-known Black actor walked in, trailing behind him a White woman. As if on cue, Campbell and her friends threw down their forks and moaned and cursed under their breath. Only later did Campbell reflect on why they had reacted so strongly:
For many African-American women, the thought of black men, particularly those who are successful, dating or marrying white women is like being passed over at the prom by the boy we consider our steady date, causing us pain, rage and an overwhelming sense of betrayal and personal rejection . . . For sisters, the message that we don't measure up is the nightmare side of integration.
Social psychological research on the roles of physical attractiveness and race in interracial relationships confirms African American women Is worse fears. Interracial love doesn't just happen randomly; it is the result of careful, if unconscious, consideration of what the other person has to offer, an exchange in the interpersonal marketplace. This is exactly what White social psychologist Bernard Murstein and his colleagues hypothesized in a 1989 study -- that the Black members of courting interracial couples would be relatively more attractive than the White members. That is, in a Whitedominated, racially unequal culture, the lower status of being Black would have to be offset by relatively greater physical attractiveness. To test this hypothesis, the physical attractiveness of each member of twenty married interracial couples was judged by a panel of four, made up of two men and two women, two of whom were White and two of whom were Black. Their findings were mixed. The Black men were rated as significantly more attractive than their White female partners, but the Black women were rated neither higher nor lower in attractiveness than their White male partners.
Another study, by African American clinical graduate student Camille Baughn, yielded similar results in 1993. Male and female research participants were asked to view eight pictures of people of the opposite sex of varying race and physical attractiveness. The subjects were asked to indicate how attractive they thought each person was, and how willing they would be to date each one. African Americans and Whites of both sexes generally expressed higher dating preferences for members of their own race and for those of greater physical attractiveness. In general, men expressed higher interest in cross-race dating than women, and African Americans rated Whites as more physically attractive than Whites rated African Americans. However, Baughn also observed that African American men rated White women as more desirable to date than African American women rated White men. Baughn concluded that African American men and women embrace the notion that "Black is Beautiful" differently.
In a society where race has played such a pivotal role, White women are too often viewed as the ultimate prize for successful African American men. White women, even those who aren't seen as particularly attractive, can still lighten the line for African American men in a way that no African American woman can, no matter how beautiful she is.
Not all Black and White women condemn interracial dating, though, and some women of different races are brought together by it. A White school administrator named Nancy B., for example, one day asked an African American female colleague whether she would mind keeping a lookout for her boyfriend. "He's bringing by some greens for me." Her colleague, putting two and two together, guessed that anyone bringing by "greens" must be African American. She asked Nancy, "Is your boyfriend, by any chance, Black?" When Nancy replied, "Yes," the Black woman said, "Well, guess what? My boyfriend is White!" The two of them celebrated by doing a little jig together. They also began confiding in each other things that before they had kept to themselves. Anecdotal evidence like this suggests that, compared with Black women who claim they would never go out with a White man, African American women who date interracially tend to be more accepting of White women who similarly cross the color line. In addition to understanding the nature of cross-race attractions, such African American women are less personally threatened by the shortage of available Black men.
For both groups of women who date and marry interracially, female relatives of the male partner are another potential source of cross-race connection. Sonya, an African American who is currently engaged to a White Italian named Johnny, gets along very well with her fiance's mother. "Not long after meeting her, I told my future mother-in-law that I respected the non-gendered way in which she had raised her son. From then on, there was never any question that we would get along fine. After all, we were both feminists." White women, too, report stories of love and acceptance with the women in the family of their African American boyfriend or husband.
More often, though, White and Black women report difficult relations with the relatives of their cross-race ]over or spouse. An African American female college student named Jamillah, who was dating a White man, became aware that his mother and sisters were sabotaging the relationship by not relaying her phone messages to him. As a result, their plans were constantly being derailed. When her boyfriend broke up with her, Jamillah was convinced that his relatives were largely responsible. Many African American family members, especially mothers, are similarly inclined to respond poorly to a White girlfriend brought home by a son or brother. In fact, some
African American men are expressly told never to do this. The Black writer Darrell Dawsey explains why he would never date interracially:
Some of the distance I kept from White women resulted from my upbringing . . . my mother did not approve of interracial romance. Not unlike other African American women, she had suffered the pain of being marginalized by a racist, sexist mainstream that fraudently promotes white women as the benchmark of womanhood . . . The rule quietly in place around Ma's house was "If she can't use your comb, don't bring her home."
When attitudes like this prevail, a White woman, no matter how politically aware or racially sensitive she may be, will find it difficult, if not impossible, to establish good relations with the female relatives of her African American boyfriend or husband. Needless to say, such tensions only add to the stress of making interracial relationships work.
Despite such resistance from family members and friends, interracial dating and mating continue to grow in popularity. And as they increase, there is a growing backlash. In March 1994, a White principal named Hulond Humphries, of Wedowee, Alabama, allegedly told a mixed-race female student that she was a "mistake" (for having been born of a White-Black union), and also attempted to ban interracial dating at the upcoming school prom. Although Humphries was suspended for his racist actions, he was not immediately fired. The prom went on without the ban, but sometime later the school was destroyed by a fire of suspicious origins.
As members of both races struggle with the significance of interracial sexual relationships, women's relations with one another suffer. African American poet and essayist Audre Lorde believes, however, that the hostility so many Black women feel toward White women for dating Black men is misdirected and ultimately destructive:
It can never result in true progress on the issue because it does not question the vertical lines of power or authority, nor the sexist assumptions which dictate the terms of that competition. And the racism of white women might be better addressed where it is less complicated by their own sexual oppression. In this situation it is not the non-Black woman who calls the tune, but rather the Black man who turns away from himself in his sisters or who, through a fear borrowed from white men, reads her strength not as a resource but as a challenge.
