READERS FEEDBACK TO ESSENCE 7/02 article
In our July issue, ESSENCE editor-in-chief Diane Weathers asked, "Should more Black women consider dating outside the race, or is it a betrayal of the brothers?" The responses that poured in told us we'd touched a nerve. Most of those who wrote in felt that Black women should explore their options
AN UNEXPECTED PACKAGE I was married for 19 years to a brother I met in college. Those years and four children later, I was among the jetsam of my husband's midlife crisis. After some healing time, the Lord sent me a life partner. But he was packaged in an unexpected way: too tall, too young and much too White. Soul-searching led to a Christian courtship, a poetic proposal and the first broom-jumping our Lutheran church had witnessed. My husband knows he has crossed into another world. But when he waits for my sons at the Black barbershop, he just strikes up a conversation, despite the looks he gets when he walks in. He has shown me love and partnership in parenting I never thought possible.--C.V., NORMAL, ILLINOIS
DRAWING THE LINE I do not desire to date outside the race but would consider it to prevent the loneliness caused by the lack of available Black men. I would date Latinos, Asians or other people of color, but would not try to build a relationship with a White man: Black people already endure the tribulations that come with the Caucasian attitude of superiority.--V.R., DETROIT
A MOTHER'S HOPE As a Black mother, I hope my son marries an intelligent, goal-oriented Black woman. I want him to see what a Black woman's perseverance can be like in today's society. But if he does marry outside our race, I won't disown him or make the woman feel unwanted.--F.R., CHICAGO
AN INVISIBLE BARRIER My friends and I are young, smart and independent, and we had positive Black men as fathers, grandfathers and uncles who raised us to be strong and supportive. So I wonder, Do we stay strong for the men we look up to? Or do we believe that we can crack the glass ceiling, but not the invisible barrier that has formed between Black men and women? Then it hits me: We Black women are not jumping on the melting-pot bandwagon, and it's costing us big. More single Black women than ever before are choosing to forgo marriage.--A.W., CHICAGO
THE OTHER BROTHER Some of us are so busy crying about Black men finding mates among White women that we don't take the time to see that the White woman's brother may be exactly what we're looking for.--P.A.H., PITTSBURGH
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Black women date White men because we are fed up with the unnecessary challenges of dating Black men and think the grass is greener on the other side. But who's to say the challenges will not be greater? I pray the day will come when Black men learn to appreciate Black women. But Black women also need to appreciate Black men. We have more in common than we think; we just need to love one another unconditionally.--C.W., LITHONIA, GEORGIA
A CONSCIOUS CHOICE I work with many other Black-female attorneys, and we are forever observing Black men dating and marrying outside their race. One Black-male attorney in my office stated that he dates White women because "they make it so easy" and "they set the standard for beauty." Such talk hurts and used to make me doubt myself. I suspect many Black men share this idea of beauty; they have been conditioned to think this way. But I no longer doubt myself or my beauty, and I refuse to be lonely anymore. I have made a conscious effort to date outside my race to find love and companionship. Maybe my Mr. Right is White or Latino.--T.V.H., WASHINGTON, D.C.
LOVE IS BLIND Something happened after I read your article on interracial dating. I was walking to work and an interracial couple walked by me, hand in hand, laughing, totally enjoying each other. I chuckled to myself and thought, This is the color of love. Love has no boundaries and no hang-ups. Love is from God. If God sees no color, why should we?--K.M., CALUMET CITY, ILLINOIS
NOTE: These letters have been edited for clarity and space. To read the original story, "The Color of Love," and to share your views on interracial dating, log on to essence.com.
COPYRIGHT 2002 Essence Communications, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group
AN UNEXPECTED PACKAGE I was married for 19 years to a brother I met in college. Those years and four children later, I was among the jetsam of my husband's midlife crisis. After some healing time, the Lord sent me a life partner. But he was packaged in an unexpected way: too tall, too young and much too White. Soul-searching led to a Christian courtship, a poetic proposal and the first broom-jumping our Lutheran church had witnessed. My husband knows he has crossed into another world. But when he waits for my sons at the Black barbershop, he just strikes up a conversation, despite the looks he gets when he walks in. He has shown me love and partnership in parenting I never thought possible.--C.V., NORMAL, ILLINOIS
DRAWING THE LINE I do not desire to date outside the race but would consider it to prevent the loneliness caused by the lack of available Black men. I would date Latinos, Asians or other people of color, but would not try to build a relationship with a White man: Black people already endure the tribulations that come with the Caucasian attitude of superiority.--V.R., DETROIT
A MOTHER'S HOPE As a Black mother, I hope my son marries an intelligent, goal-oriented Black woman. I want him to see what a Black woman's perseverance can be like in today's society. But if he does marry outside our race, I won't disown him or make the woman feel unwanted.--F.R., CHICAGO
AN INVISIBLE BARRIER My friends and I are young, smart and independent, and we had positive Black men as fathers, grandfathers and uncles who raised us to be strong and supportive. So I wonder, Do we stay strong for the men we look up to? Or do we believe that we can crack the glass ceiling, but not the invisible barrier that has formed between Black men and women? Then it hits me: We Black women are not jumping on the melting-pot bandwagon, and it's costing us big. More single Black women than ever before are choosing to forgo marriage.--A.W., CHICAGO
THE OTHER BROTHER Some of us are so busy crying about Black men finding mates among White women that we don't take the time to see that the White woman's brother may be exactly what we're looking for.--P.A.H., PITTSBURGH
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Black women date White men because we are fed up with the unnecessary challenges of dating Black men and think the grass is greener on the other side. But who's to say the challenges will not be greater? I pray the day will come when Black men learn to appreciate Black women. But Black women also need to appreciate Black men. We have more in common than we think; we just need to love one another unconditionally.--C.W., LITHONIA, GEORGIA
A CONSCIOUS CHOICE I work with many other Black-female attorneys, and we are forever observing Black men dating and marrying outside their race. One Black-male attorney in my office stated that he dates White women because "they make it so easy" and "they set the standard for beauty." Such talk hurts and used to make me doubt myself. I suspect many Black men share this idea of beauty; they have been conditioned to think this way. But I no longer doubt myself or my beauty, and I refuse to be lonely anymore. I have made a conscious effort to date outside my race to find love and companionship. Maybe my Mr. Right is White or Latino.--T.V.H., WASHINGTON, D.C.
LOVE IS BLIND Something happened after I read your article on interracial dating. I was walking to work and an interracial couple walked by me, hand in hand, laughing, totally enjoying each other. I chuckled to myself and thought, This is the color of love. Love has no boundaries and no hang-ups. Love is from God. If God sees no color, why should we?--K.M., CALUMET CITY, ILLINOIS
NOTE: These letters have been edited for clarity and space. To read the original story, "The Color of Love," and to share your views on interracial dating, log on to essence.com.
COPYRIGHT 2002 Essence Communications, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group
