The strengths of mixed-race relationships
The prejudice and cultural differences that interracial couples encounter may make their relationships stronger.
By Erin Burnette
Monitor staff
Awhite woman tells her mother she's engaged to her African- American boyfriend. 'You don't know what you're doing!' the mother screams. 'You're going to have crosses burned on your lawn!'
The two didn't speak for two months.
Family alienation is one of many hurdles interracial couples may have to jump. Societal discrimination, cultural differences and language barriers also pose challenges.
Despite the inherent difficulties of mixing two cultures into one romantic union, some mixed-race couples actually have stronger relationships as a result of the unique experiences they endure, psychologists say.
Because they have to discuss and endure such painful realities as racism and conflict with extended family members and others, they may have an easier time negotiating the day-to-day struggles of any marriage.
Attitudes are changing
The number of interracial couples and families in this country continues to rise, due largely to integration of schools, workplaces and neighborhoods, psychologists say. Within 50 years, half of the U.S. population will be people of color, said Christine Iijima Hall, PhD.
The breakdown of residential segregation and the 1967 overthrow of antimiscegenation laws-which had held interracial marriages to be illegal-explain the increase in mixed-race marriages, says Harry Kitano, PhD, a researcher and professor at the University of California-Los Angeles, who studies mixed marriages and families.
Ethnic-minority occupational and educational mobility also contribute by increasing the opportunities for different races to meet, he said.
Society, however, has a history of frowning upon cross-cultural marriage. Stereotypes regarding why people marry someone from a different race further complicate matters.
For example, black women who date white men can evoke powerful emotions based on historical perceptions.
'In slavery times, white men had black concubines who had no choice about participating in the relationship,' said Hall, a researcher who has studied interracial relationships for more than 15 years.
'People may assume he's with her for her sexual prowess or that he thinks owns her.'
When people see a black man with a white woman, they often believe he married her to move up the social strata, she said.
In Asian-American female-white male couples, people assume the husband is the dominant partner and the wife is compliant and docile, Kitano said.
Such discrimination may be shocking for white partners of mixed-race relationships, because they start encountering prejudice just by being with their mate, Hall said. Most ethnic minorities have experienced discrimination throughout their lives and are therefore less reactive.
'The interracial couple is like a Rorschach test for people's attitudes and beliefs about race,' said psychologist Maria Root, PhD, who studies the identities of racially-mixed people. 'The couple is the inkblot and hears all kinds of opinions that people harbor.'
Root, a clinician and researcher at the University of Washington, says that societal myths also plague mixed couples. She has interviewed interracial couples across the United States over the last two and a half years for a book she's writing.
According to popular myths, people are attracted to someone from a different race because they are morally degenerate, rebellious, have revenge fantasies or low self-esteem.
'The fact is that individuals in interracial couples are attracted to each other for the same reasons that individuals in same-race couples are,' Root said. 'They consistently state that they get married because they like and love each other.'
Families' prejudices
Family conflict can strain these relationships, as many family members retain some biases and fears toward other races. Historically, black families are more accepting of mixed marriages than white families, Hall said.
In Asian families, newly immigrated parents are often more opposed to cross-cultural marriage than parents who have been in the country longer. They may cut ties with children who marry someone from a different culture, said Diane Fujino, PhD, a researcher and professor at the University of California-Santa Barbara, who conducted a study on Asian cross-cultural relationships in 1992. She interviewed 600 Japanese, Chinese and white people. People are comfortable with what they know, and maintaining their culture is important to them, Fujino said. Second or third generation parents have usually experienced culture blending, so 'outmarriage'-marriage to someone from a different ethnic group-is more tolerated.
Family response often stems from more than racism or discrimination, Hall said. Parents fear how their children will be treated as a result of the relationship. Others oppose intermarriage because of stereotypes they still carry about other races.
In Asian-American white couples, the Asian parents sometimes feel inferior to the white family, said Kitano. A white man sitting at the head of the Asian family's dinner table, for example, may be the source of hostility among the siblings who have married other Asians. They may feel he's being given special treatment because he's white.
Families also argue that interracial couples are selfish for getting married because their children will have identity problems. Research indicates that interracial children are no less well-adjusted than other children of color, even though they face regular adolescent crises as well as racism.
But according to the results of a 1990 study conducted by Ana Mari Cause, PhD, and associates in Seattle, biracial children do just as well socially as ethnic-minority children.
In 1978 in Los Angeles, Hall interviewed 30 adults over age 18 to determine their adjustment to being biracial. Results revealed that most had high self-esteem and good adjustment in the majority of the participants.
Cultural differences pose another obstacle to the couples. Gender roles, for example, differ from culture to culture: How to raise the children, use of ethnic language and food preferences are everyday issues that can stress an interracial relationship. Religious beliefs and values are often different as well.
'Who makes the major decisions in the household is relevant-that is common in all marriages-but in cross-cultural marriages the issues are exacerbated because the expectations are different,' Kitano said.
A Korean woman told him, for example, that she thought she'd be liberated when she married a white man. But instead, her husband expected the stereotypical docile Asian wife who would take care of his needs and work full-time.
Another cultural conflict that arises with Asian-American mixed marriages revolves around care of their elderly parents. Asian-Americans may not consult with their spouses on the issue because they're raised understanding their obligation to their parents.
They assume that their partners will approve of their elderly parents living with or near them. They don't necessarily know that other cultures handle the issue differently, Root said.
Other clashes occur with communication styles. Many ethnic groups, for example, answer questions by telling a story. It's a contextual style of response whereby the other person is led to the conclusion through the story, Root said. People of European heritage may find this frustrating and want the other to simply answer the question.
'Differences exist and what needs to be looked at is how couples negotiate them,' Root said. 'It's one thing to understand things in a cultural context, but ultimately these are also the issues of the individuals in the relationship.'
The psychologist's role
To successfully work with this population, psychologists must recognize their own feelings about racism so they don't project their prejudices onto the couple, Hall said.
Couples come to therapy because of issues in their relationship-not because they are racially mixed, Root said.
Practitioners who lack cultural sensitivity do a disservice to their clients. They also need to be aware of their own preconceived notions about interracial couples, psychologists say.
'To work with mixed-race couples, one needs a broader cultural orientation, outside of their own class and cultural group,' Root says.
Kitano suggests that practitioners understand the couples' differing communication styles.
'It's tempting to think that one style is superior when the insight is just different. Work with the couple on the differences.'
from http://mirror.apa.org/monitor/sep95/race.html
© PsycNET 2002 American Psychological Association
By Erin Burnette
Monitor staff
Awhite woman tells her mother she's engaged to her African- American boyfriend. 'You don't know what you're doing!' the mother screams. 'You're going to have crosses burned on your lawn!'
The two didn't speak for two months.
Family alienation is one of many hurdles interracial couples may have to jump. Societal discrimination, cultural differences and language barriers also pose challenges.
Despite the inherent difficulties of mixing two cultures into one romantic union, some mixed-race couples actually have stronger relationships as a result of the unique experiences they endure, psychologists say.
Because they have to discuss and endure such painful realities as racism and conflict with extended family members and others, they may have an easier time negotiating the day-to-day struggles of any marriage.
Attitudes are changing
The number of interracial couples and families in this country continues to rise, due largely to integration of schools, workplaces and neighborhoods, psychologists say. Within 50 years, half of the U.S. population will be people of color, said Christine Iijima Hall, PhD.
The breakdown of residential segregation and the 1967 overthrow of antimiscegenation laws-which had held interracial marriages to be illegal-explain the increase in mixed-race marriages, says Harry Kitano, PhD, a researcher and professor at the University of California-Los Angeles, who studies mixed marriages and families.
Ethnic-minority occupational and educational mobility also contribute by increasing the opportunities for different races to meet, he said.
Society, however, has a history of frowning upon cross-cultural marriage. Stereotypes regarding why people marry someone from a different race further complicate matters.
For example, black women who date white men can evoke powerful emotions based on historical perceptions.
'In slavery times, white men had black concubines who had no choice about participating in the relationship,' said Hall, a researcher who has studied interracial relationships for more than 15 years.
'People may assume he's with her for her sexual prowess or that he thinks owns her.'
When people see a black man with a white woman, they often believe he married her to move up the social strata, she said.
In Asian-American female-white male couples, people assume the husband is the dominant partner and the wife is compliant and docile, Kitano said.
Such discrimination may be shocking for white partners of mixed-race relationships, because they start encountering prejudice just by being with their mate, Hall said. Most ethnic minorities have experienced discrimination throughout their lives and are therefore less reactive.
'The interracial couple is like a Rorschach test for people's attitudes and beliefs about race,' said psychologist Maria Root, PhD, who studies the identities of racially-mixed people. 'The couple is the inkblot and hears all kinds of opinions that people harbor.'
Root, a clinician and researcher at the University of Washington, says that societal myths also plague mixed couples. She has interviewed interracial couples across the United States over the last two and a half years for a book she's writing.
According to popular myths, people are attracted to someone from a different race because they are morally degenerate, rebellious, have revenge fantasies or low self-esteem.
'The fact is that individuals in interracial couples are attracted to each other for the same reasons that individuals in same-race couples are,' Root said. 'They consistently state that they get married because they like and love each other.'
Families' prejudices
Family conflict can strain these relationships, as many family members retain some biases and fears toward other races. Historically, black families are more accepting of mixed marriages than white families, Hall said.
In Asian families, newly immigrated parents are often more opposed to cross-cultural marriage than parents who have been in the country longer. They may cut ties with children who marry someone from a different culture, said Diane Fujino, PhD, a researcher and professor at the University of California-Santa Barbara, who conducted a study on Asian cross-cultural relationships in 1992. She interviewed 600 Japanese, Chinese and white people. People are comfortable with what they know, and maintaining their culture is important to them, Fujino said. Second or third generation parents have usually experienced culture blending, so 'outmarriage'-marriage to someone from a different ethnic group-is more tolerated.
Family response often stems from more than racism or discrimination, Hall said. Parents fear how their children will be treated as a result of the relationship. Others oppose intermarriage because of stereotypes they still carry about other races.
In Asian-American white couples, the Asian parents sometimes feel inferior to the white family, said Kitano. A white man sitting at the head of the Asian family's dinner table, for example, may be the source of hostility among the siblings who have married other Asians. They may feel he's being given special treatment because he's white.
Families also argue that interracial couples are selfish for getting married because their children will have identity problems. Research indicates that interracial children are no less well-adjusted than other children of color, even though they face regular adolescent crises as well as racism.
But according to the results of a 1990 study conducted by Ana Mari Cause, PhD, and associates in Seattle, biracial children do just as well socially as ethnic-minority children.
In 1978 in Los Angeles, Hall interviewed 30 adults over age 18 to determine their adjustment to being biracial. Results revealed that most had high self-esteem and good adjustment in the majority of the participants.
Cultural differences pose another obstacle to the couples. Gender roles, for example, differ from culture to culture: How to raise the children, use of ethnic language and food preferences are everyday issues that can stress an interracial relationship. Religious beliefs and values are often different as well.
'Who makes the major decisions in the household is relevant-that is common in all marriages-but in cross-cultural marriages the issues are exacerbated because the expectations are different,' Kitano said.
A Korean woman told him, for example, that she thought she'd be liberated when she married a white man. But instead, her husband expected the stereotypical docile Asian wife who would take care of his needs and work full-time.
Another cultural conflict that arises with Asian-American mixed marriages revolves around care of their elderly parents. Asian-Americans may not consult with their spouses on the issue because they're raised understanding their obligation to their parents.
They assume that their partners will approve of their elderly parents living with or near them. They don't necessarily know that other cultures handle the issue differently, Root said.
Other clashes occur with communication styles. Many ethnic groups, for example, answer questions by telling a story. It's a contextual style of response whereby the other person is led to the conclusion through the story, Root said. People of European heritage may find this frustrating and want the other to simply answer the question.
'Differences exist and what needs to be looked at is how couples negotiate them,' Root said. 'It's one thing to understand things in a cultural context, but ultimately these are also the issues of the individuals in the relationship.'
The psychologist's role
To successfully work with this population, psychologists must recognize their own feelings about racism so they don't project their prejudices onto the couple, Hall said.
Couples come to therapy because of issues in their relationship-not because they are racially mixed, Root said.
Practitioners who lack cultural sensitivity do a disservice to their clients. They also need to be aware of their own preconceived notions about interracial couples, psychologists say.
'To work with mixed-race couples, one needs a broader cultural orientation, outside of their own class and cultural group,' Root says.
Kitano suggests that practitioners understand the couples' differing communication styles.
'It's tempting to think that one style is superior when the insight is just different. Work with the couple on the differences.'
from http://mirror.apa.org/monitor/sep95/race.html
© PsycNET 2002 American Psychological Association
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