Interracial dating brings special problems
3/2003
"Love is color blind" reads a bumper stick on an old Toyota Camry. While following this car, I am intrigued by the simplicity and the falsehood of this assertion. My thoughts center on interracial relationships and the notion that the love shared by individuals has nothing to do with their color. I find this idea ridiculous, especially in American society.
My eyes leave the bumper sticker and focus on the color of the driver. Just by looking, it seems as if the driver of the vehicle is not a person of color. Being a person of color and having participated in interracial relationships, I would never support this socio-political statement. I do, however, understand why someone would. Interracial relationships contain problems that same race relationships do not. Race is an institution that this country refuses to confront in a manner which alleviates the problems which occur within interracial relationships.
One's race is a factor that we should not ignore or be blind to. Race impacts the way one interacts in the world, as well as the culture of an individual. Love between persons of different races is a positive element of diversity. This love often does not occur within the confines of a bubble. And interracial dating can expose some of the most painful elements of racism. When one experiences racism on an intimate level, the distress experienced is like no other.
I grew up in an environment which valued cultural and racial diversity. Friendships and relationships materialized without attention paid to the race of an individual. Even in high school, no one ever uttered the term interracial relationships even as they existed in high numbers. It was not as though we were color blind, but we were not socialized to think about race or color except in the extreme appreciation of the racial diversity of our student body.
So in a sense, I did grow up in a bubble, naïve to the racial beliefs of the world. It wasn't until I went to college that I began to understand how race is meaningful in social groups. Even though I did flock to people for friendships who shared the same beliefs about diversity, this did not carry over to intimate relationships.
Unfortunately, I experienced some of the most traumatic racism of my life from dating outside my race. I dated a white guy a year younger than me. I met him in class. We seemed to get along quite well. I even knew some of his closest friends. After we started dating, I began to notice a disturbing pattern. He never invited me over to his apartment anymore. We would always meet somewhere on campus. I was his secret.
When I finally brought up my observations, he came clean. He admitted to being ashamed of dating a black woman. When the relationship became more serious, he felt the need to hide it. It was okay for him to see me in secret, and for us to be sexually intimate, but he could never actually have a "serious" relationship with me.
Because I actually cared about him, this rejection was overwhelming. I have endured similar experiences since then. I even contemplated refusing to date outside my race ever again.
One of the most functional and happy relationships I know of is an interracial relationship. Both parties are persons of color, however. The dynamics are quite different than interracial relationships including a person of color and a white person. I do believe that interracial unions of all types have the ability to work and be positive experiences. Even though the numbers of such couples are increasing, Americans of all races seem hesitant to address the politics involved.
Interracial relationships are on the rise in the United States. However, the increase in numbers does not necessarily represent an increase in acceptance. We are neither color blind nor race blind. We shouldn't be. Race is an important part of who you are, whether you accept it or not. Instead of pretending to be blind to color, we should embrace that diversity. Race or color is a factor in our interpersonal relationships. This is true whether you choose to date interracially or not.
However, if you are in an interracial relationship, I think it's important to address that status. While you and your partner may accept each other and your interracial relationship, you will undoubtedly come into contact with others who do not. It is important to be on the same page with your partner if and when you are confronted with racism. Communication will help alleviate any potential problems you may face.
Feedback & Comments to article are here:
http://www.uictoday.net/vnews/display.v/ART/2002/10/01/3d994696752e4
"Love is color blind" reads a bumper stick on an old Toyota Camry. While following this car, I am intrigued by the simplicity and the falsehood of this assertion. My thoughts center on interracial relationships and the notion that the love shared by individuals has nothing to do with their color. I find this idea ridiculous, especially in American society.
My eyes leave the bumper sticker and focus on the color of the driver. Just by looking, it seems as if the driver of the vehicle is not a person of color. Being a person of color and having participated in interracial relationships, I would never support this socio-political statement. I do, however, understand why someone would. Interracial relationships contain problems that same race relationships do not. Race is an institution that this country refuses to confront in a manner which alleviates the problems which occur within interracial relationships.
One's race is a factor that we should not ignore or be blind to. Race impacts the way one interacts in the world, as well as the culture of an individual. Love between persons of different races is a positive element of diversity. This love often does not occur within the confines of a bubble. And interracial dating can expose some of the most painful elements of racism. When one experiences racism on an intimate level, the distress experienced is like no other.
I grew up in an environment which valued cultural and racial diversity. Friendships and relationships materialized without attention paid to the race of an individual. Even in high school, no one ever uttered the term interracial relationships even as they existed in high numbers. It was not as though we were color blind, but we were not socialized to think about race or color except in the extreme appreciation of the racial diversity of our student body.
So in a sense, I did grow up in a bubble, naïve to the racial beliefs of the world. It wasn't until I went to college that I began to understand how race is meaningful in social groups. Even though I did flock to people for friendships who shared the same beliefs about diversity, this did not carry over to intimate relationships.
Unfortunately, I experienced some of the most traumatic racism of my life from dating outside my race. I dated a white guy a year younger than me. I met him in class. We seemed to get along quite well. I even knew some of his closest friends. After we started dating, I began to notice a disturbing pattern. He never invited me over to his apartment anymore. We would always meet somewhere on campus. I was his secret.
When I finally brought up my observations, he came clean. He admitted to being ashamed of dating a black woman. When the relationship became more serious, he felt the need to hide it. It was okay for him to see me in secret, and for us to be sexually intimate, but he could never actually have a "serious" relationship with me.
Because I actually cared about him, this rejection was overwhelming. I have endured similar experiences since then. I even contemplated refusing to date outside my race ever again.
One of the most functional and happy relationships I know of is an interracial relationship. Both parties are persons of color, however. The dynamics are quite different than interracial relationships including a person of color and a white person. I do believe that interracial unions of all types have the ability to work and be positive experiences. Even though the numbers of such couples are increasing, Americans of all races seem hesitant to address the politics involved.
Interracial relationships are on the rise in the United States. However, the increase in numbers does not necessarily represent an increase in acceptance. We are neither color blind nor race blind. We shouldn't be. Race is an important part of who you are, whether you accept it or not. Instead of pretending to be blind to color, we should embrace that diversity. Race or color is a factor in our interpersonal relationships. This is true whether you choose to date interracially or not.
However, if you are in an interracial relationship, I think it's important to address that status. While you and your partner may accept each other and your interracial relationship, you will undoubtedly come into contact with others who do not. It is important to be on the same page with your partner if and when you are confronted with racism. Communication will help alleviate any potential problems you may face.
Feedback & Comments to article are here:
http://www.uictoday.net/vnews/display.v/ART/2002/10/01/3d994696752e4
<< Home