Jet Mag Article: Why more black women are dating white men?
When it comes down to Black and White couples, it's more common to see
a Black man with a White woman. But more and more Black female/White male
couples are popping up. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number
of Black wife/White husband marriages skyrocketed from 60,000 in 1993 to
122,000 in 1995.
Why are more Black women dating White men?
"A limited selection pool is one of the things that pops into mind,"
says Dr. Tyrone Carter about the reason more Black women are turning to
White men. He points to the "discrepancy in education levels between males
and females" and notes that a woman "seeks a partner who's comparable
educationally and socially." Carter, a consulting psychologist in
Milwaukee, WI, contends that "the more education you have...your interests expand
and you want someone who may have comparable education." Carter says that
statistics bear that there are more available women than men. "In my
practice, I often hear my female African-American clients complaining
of not having adequate relationships or opportunity to meet the "types of
males they'd like to meet." He says the alarming number of Sisters dating
White men should send a message to Brothers. "Maybe we as Black males may
want to look at this as a wake-up call," he points out. "What do we perhaps
need to do...to make us realize that there's something we need to work on,
self-enhancement, self-improvement that will enhance our natural,
normal appeal.
"This is happening for a reason because of issues we need to deal
with." While Dr. Sharon Ames-Dennard of Tallahassee, FL, agrees that
statistics prove that there is a ratio imbalance between Black men and women, she
says society is one of the reasons more Black women are choosing to date
outside of their race. "We're in a culture and climate that has never endorsed
the Black man," she states. "...Black women don't want to understand why
the Black male got in the predicament he is in." Ames-Dennard, who runs the
Aakhet Center for Human Development with her husband, Dana, says too
many Black women have a fairy-tale vision of romance and manhood. "If they
(Black women) are in corporate America, all they are seeing is White
men...They believe in that soap opera romanticism which says Victor Newman (of the
soap opera "The Young and the Restless") is the man...They see power,
shrewdness, kindness, warmth demonstrated in materialistic things. Then they equate
that to what real manhood is."
For Sunshine Dixon of Portland, OR, who has dated the "rainbow," her
primary reason for dating White men isn't based on race. "I was looking at the
truth, which was his inside," she says about her reason for dating a
particular White man. "...Character and integrity--that has the longest
impression on you. Dixon also said she started dating outside her race
because she received more attention from men of other races. "Nobody
gets dressed in the morning to be ignored," she explains. "The Brothers
would look and pass me, and I would not get one compliment...and you can't
get that much of being ignored on one end and getting so much attention on
the other end." Dixon, 28, a customer service associate at a department
store, adds, "I do not date a guy who won't date his own race because if he
doesn't feel comfortable with himself, how can he be comfortable with me?"
Tricia Serju-Harris, a personal finance reporter in Detroit, says she
married a White man who "fulfilled all of my dreams." She too dated
Black men and men from other cultures. Serju-Harris said the Brothers she
dated "were very aware that there were not many Black men in the area (who
she wanted to fall in love with)." As a result, they mistreated her. "If I
would get angry, they'd say, `Fine I don't need you' No woman needs that,"
Serju-Harris contends. "No woman needs a man who knows he can just snap
his finger and there will be five Black women to replace her I didn't want
to date anyone of any race who could not respect me." Serju-Harris says
she was "raised color-blind...It doesn't matter the color of the man; the
measure of man is what kind of man is he...You can have a good White man, you
could have a bad White man....Race has never been the number-one thing with
me."
Now Serju-Harris, who married her husband, Nathan, four months ago,
says her life is wonderful. But they do have to put up with some long, hard
stares, she admits. When someone calls her a "lost sister," she says, "My blood
boils on the inside because I dated Black men who mistreated me, took
me for granted, disrespected me...to hear this stranger trying to judge
me...they have me figured out already. All I ever wanted was someone to love me
and to love someone I'd be with....Part of me wants to stop them and scream,
`I gave my people a chance. I did not choose to leave Black men. I chose
to find someone, anyone, to love, someone who would be deserving of my
love.' "I don't need the shallow men. I'm so happy right now. My life has
changed. One person has made me so happy. So what his hair is straight, his
features are European and his skin is pale. Big deal!"
COPYRIGHT 1997 Johnson Publishing Company Inc.
a Black man with a White woman. But more and more Black female/White male
couples are popping up. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number
of Black wife/White husband marriages skyrocketed from 60,000 in 1993 to
122,000 in 1995.
Why are more Black women dating White men?
"A limited selection pool is one of the things that pops into mind,"
says Dr. Tyrone Carter about the reason more Black women are turning to
White men. He points to the "discrepancy in education levels between males
and females" and notes that a woman "seeks a partner who's comparable
educationally and socially." Carter, a consulting psychologist in
Milwaukee, WI, contends that "the more education you have...your interests expand
and you want someone who may have comparable education." Carter says that
statistics bear that there are more available women than men. "In my
practice, I often hear my female African-American clients complaining
of not having adequate relationships or opportunity to meet the "types of
males they'd like to meet." He says the alarming number of Sisters dating
White men should send a message to Brothers. "Maybe we as Black males may
want to look at this as a wake-up call," he points out. "What do we perhaps
need to do...to make us realize that there's something we need to work on,
self-enhancement, self-improvement that will enhance our natural,
normal appeal.
"This is happening for a reason because of issues we need to deal
with." While Dr. Sharon Ames-Dennard of Tallahassee, FL, agrees that
statistics prove that there is a ratio imbalance between Black men and women, she
says society is one of the reasons more Black women are choosing to date
outside of their race. "We're in a culture and climate that has never endorsed
the Black man," she states. "...Black women don't want to understand why
the Black male got in the predicament he is in." Ames-Dennard, who runs the
Aakhet Center for Human Development with her husband, Dana, says too
many Black women have a fairy-tale vision of romance and manhood. "If they
(Black women) are in corporate America, all they are seeing is White
men...They believe in that soap opera romanticism which says Victor Newman (of the
soap opera "The Young and the Restless") is the man...They see power,
shrewdness, kindness, warmth demonstrated in materialistic things. Then they equate
that to what real manhood is."
For Sunshine Dixon of Portland, OR, who has dated the "rainbow," her
primary reason for dating White men isn't based on race. "I was looking at the
truth, which was his inside," she says about her reason for dating a
particular White man. "...Character and integrity--that has the longest
impression on you. Dixon also said she started dating outside her race
because she received more attention from men of other races. "Nobody
gets dressed in the morning to be ignored," she explains. "The Brothers
would look and pass me, and I would not get one compliment...and you can't
get that much of being ignored on one end and getting so much attention on
the other end." Dixon, 28, a customer service associate at a department
store, adds, "I do not date a guy who won't date his own race because if he
doesn't feel comfortable with himself, how can he be comfortable with me?"
Tricia Serju-Harris, a personal finance reporter in Detroit, says she
married a White man who "fulfilled all of my dreams." She too dated
Black men and men from other cultures. Serju-Harris said the Brothers she
dated "were very aware that there were not many Black men in the area (who
she wanted to fall in love with)." As a result, they mistreated her. "If I
would get angry, they'd say, `Fine I don't need you' No woman needs that,"
Serju-Harris contends. "No woman needs a man who knows he can just snap
his finger and there will be five Black women to replace her I didn't want
to date anyone of any race who could not respect me." Serju-Harris says
she was "raised color-blind...It doesn't matter the color of the man; the
measure of man is what kind of man is he...You can have a good White man, you
could have a bad White man....Race has never been the number-one thing with
me."
Now Serju-Harris, who married her husband, Nathan, four months ago,
says her life is wonderful. But they do have to put up with some long, hard
stares, she admits. When someone calls her a "lost sister," she says, "My blood
boils on the inside because I dated Black men who mistreated me, took
me for granted, disrespected me...to hear this stranger trying to judge
me...they have me figured out already. All I ever wanted was someone to love me
and to love someone I'd be with....Part of me wants to stop them and scream,
`I gave my people a chance. I did not choose to leave Black men. I chose
to find someone, anyone, to love, someone who would be deserving of my
love.' "I don't need the shallow men. I'm so happy right now. My life has
changed. One person has made me so happy. So what his hair is straight, his
features are European and his skin is pale. Big deal!"
COPYRIGHT 1997 Johnson Publishing Company Inc.
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